What does “entitlement” mean? Webster says: “a belief that one is deserving … of certain privileges”. Or … as I will say, the belief that one deserves to have their needs met.
- I’m entitled to a refund.
- I deserve a vacation.
More complex examples:
- We’ll get a table … the owner knows me.
- I struggled through 6 years of law school, they’ll be lining up for my skills.
- I’m better than those losers and deserve the spot.
- People will pay to see me.
- They will all beg me to be at my televised wedding.
And even more:
- This is our land … it was promised to us by the creator.
- This is our land … we’ve been farming it for generations.
The above is an example of a “conflict of needs” which I’ll go over in a future post.
Without being judgmental (as best as my slanted self can be), It’s important and beneficial to know when the feeling of entitlement is driving other needs. This is a great example of what I call, “chained needs” (future post). where one need drives and is foundational to a secondary need. Chained needs can be longer of course. When this is in play, the drive to get the secondary need met is exaggerated and “stronger
” than it would have been without the support of entitlement. As one might think, the conscious awareness of secondary or tertiary needs is almost always lacking.
And as often happens, the need owner can go into a narcissistic rage if that need is challenged or otherwise thwarted … especially by another.
(see “anger” post … coming soon)
Arrogant entitlement, or narcissistic entitlement is the exaggerated belief that the person is somehow deserving of their needs. This type of entitlement is wider in scope and supports many secondary and even tertiary needs of the owner. “I must sit in the front row because I’m getting the award for best actress”.
A more appropriate version of entitlement usually supports a singular need. “I’m entitled to fair treatment by the housing authority”.
Arrogant Entitlement is its own need, but rarely is it a stand-alone driver. It’s a driver for multiple needs. The arrogance and feeling of superiority bleeds into most of the owner’s day-to-day activities and social encounters.
(If we see the word “deserve” anywhere, that’s a clue as to what’s coming.)
Dana’s note: will someone please tell me which teenage hormone is the one for entitlement?